AROMATHERAPY ACCORDING TO MEN…

(This is the unedited version of the article that was printed in the June edition of Natural Awakenings Magazine)

“Ain’t no way, no how, you’re gettin’ me to sniff some of that lavender or patchoooleee stuff!! No siree bub! I’m a man and I don’t do that smelly stuff! That aromathera-whatever is just some New Age nonsense!”

Hmmmm…to that I pose this question: What man doesn’t love the smell of leather? Or how �bout that “new car smell”? “Baseball glove?” “Two-stroke motor oil?” “Freshly mowed grass?” “The smell of rain?” “The air by the beach?” “Cookies baking in the oven?” I have even known some men who love the smell of their (dirty) socks, gym locker or their favorite old T-shirt! Those scents trigger a pleasurable response or memory. Of course there are odors that can stimulate negative thoughts and feelings as well: perhaps “stinky diapers”? For some it’s the antiseptic smell of a hospital or doctor’s office. Positive or negative, male or female, the odors we smell have a significant impact on how we feel.

Still doubtful? Read on: in dealing with patients who have lost the sense of smell, doctors have found that a life without fragrance can lead to high incidence of psychiatric problems such as anxiety and depression. We have the capability to distinguish 10,000 different smells. It is believed that smells enter through cilia (the fine hairs lining the nose) to the limbic system, the part of the brain that controls our moods, emotions, memory and learning.

What’s all that gotta do with “aromathera-whatever”? Aromatherapy is the “study of scent in a therapeutic manner”; the practice of using volatile plant oils, including essential oils for psychological and physical well-being. These essential oils can be added to the bath or massaged into the skin, inhaled directly or diffused to scent an entire room. Essential oils stimulate the powerful sense of smell, which then can affect a person’s mood, alleviate fatigue, reduce anxiety and promote relaxation. When inhaled, they work on the brain and nervous system through stimulation of the olfactory nerves.
This isn’t just “foo foo” wishing… it is a science! Studies of brain wave frequency have shown that smelling lavender increases alpha waves in the back of the head, which are associated with relaxation. The fragrance of Jasmine increases beta waves in the front of the head, which are associated with a more alert state. Pretty cool!
What are “essential oils”? Essential oils are aromatic essences extracted from plants, flowers, trees, fruits, bark, grasses and seeds with distinctive therapeutic, psychological, and physiological properties, which improve and prevent illness. There are about 150 essential oils. Most of these oils have antiseptic properties; some are antiviral, anti-inflammatory, pain relieving, antidepressant and expectorant. Other properties of the essential oils that are taken advantage of in aromatherapy are their stimulation, relaxation, digestion improvement, and diuretic properties. To get the maximum benefit from essential oils, it should be made from natural, pure raw materials. It is important to note that perfume oils also known as fragrance oils or “fragrances” are not the same as essential oils. Perfume oils and fragrances contain unnatural chemicals and do not provide the therapeutic benefits of essential oils. Unfortunately, many companies improperly use the term aromatherapy on products that contain unnatural and perfume oils, so it’s important to look at the ingredient label when seeking true aromatherapy products.

Aromatherapy is one of the fastest growing fields in alternative medicine. It is widely used at home, clinics and hospitals for a variety of applications such as pain relief for women in labor pain, relieving pain caused by the side effects of the chemotherapy undergone by the cancer patients, and rehabilitation of cardiac patients.
Aromatherapy is slowly getting into the mainstream. In Japan, engineers are incorporating aroma systems into new buildings. In one such application, the scent of lavender and rosemary is pumped into the customer area to calm down the waiting customers, while the perfumes from lemon and eucalyptus are used in the bank teller counters to keep the staff alert.

So before you go “pooh-poohing” aromatherapy as being a “girly thing” or “new age mumbo jumbo”… just remember: You know that Vick’s Vaporub you rub on your manly chest? Guess what?? Aromatherapy!! That Ben-Gay or Tiger Balm you massage on your aching muscles? Yup.. it’s that aromathera-whatever… it’s more common than you may realize.

My male clients who, although initially reluctant, have had the courage to try aromatherapy have ended up praising its benefits: from stress reduction, sleep aid to mental focus, clarity and rejuvenation… they have proudly displayed their essential oil diffusers and oil infused water spray bottles. And those that demonstrated extra courage even had massages with lavender scented massage oil! And they loved it!!

I am a novice when it comes to my knowledge of aromatherapy, dabbled here and there throughout the years, yet I am certain that it is indeed powerful medicine when used in the proper way and from a knowledgeable practitioner. Although scientific, it is also a very subjective, personal and individual process discovering which oils work best for the results you want and in what form. I encourage you to research it on the Internet (www.holisticonline.com or www.aromaweb.com are the ones I used) and consult a local aromatherapy practitioner.

So, ladies the next time you see your guy smelling his baseball glove, taking a whiff of that “new car” or smelling his leather wallet; instead of shaking your head in disbelief, smile, breathe in and know that he’s practicing his own form of aromatherapy!

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Deedre Diemer MA, your Guide and Fellow Traveler along The Authentic Journey, is an internationally acclaimed best selling author, speaker, mentor and advisor and is available for one on one coaching as well. Visit Deedre on her website: www.theauthenticjourney.com. For wonderful, healing all natural skin care products containing therapeutic grade essential oils visit: www.chakraessence.info

Body Care Begins with Body Awareness: Listening to Our Bodies

(Special Note: as part of the Self-Care aspect of The Authentic Journey, I have embarked on yet another avenue: I have created, ChakraEssence, Self-Care & Wellness Products: all pure and natural. Hand made and custom-blended with the highest, therapeutic grade essential oils. Please feel free to check them out at my other website: It is my passion to educate and share these healing and uplifting products. I custom blend them just for you, with a consciousness of love and healing.. to heal and restore balance to your energy centers. )

This is the unedited version of an article I’ve written for Natural Awareness Magazine: Enjoy!

“Our bodies are always speaking to us, we just aren’t listening!” exclaims Rebecca Reid, certified Nia Instructor and fitness expert. “These days schedules are over booked and our lives are stressful. We’re pulled in so many different directions that we’ve become disconnected from our bodies and the life saving messages it sends us every moment of our busy lives.”

Her answer (and one echoed by the following experts in the field of body care and awareness): Reconnect with our bodies by reawakening our natural awareness; open up the dialogue between our mind, body and spirit by tuning in to the messages that our body sends us.

Great! How do we accomplish this?? And so my journey begins:

One method Rebecca prescribes: Nia: The Body’s Way �a movement and personal growth practice that integrates the very best of eastern, western and scientific methods from the martial arts, dance arts, and healing arts.

Profess Nia co-creators, Debbie and Carlos Rosas: “Visit a Nia class and you’ll experience the ultimate “East meets West” method to tone your body, mind and spirit. It’s fitness fusion at its finest and all about joyous movement to become healthy. Short for Neuromuscular Integrative Action, Nia’s barefoot, grounded approach maximizes body efficiency and teaches you to consciously move in a gentler way.

The result is a fusion of movement styles that are freer than any other dance-based exercise. You’ll experience the expressiveness of dance, the power and explosiveness of martial arts, and the wisdom of the healing arts. ”

And that is definitely my experience of the class! Nia can be experienced by anyone and is easily adapted to a person’s individual needs- from beginners to highly-fit athletes. Feelings and sensations were awakened in my whole body as I experienced the joy, play and free expression of the class. I agree with Rebecca when she says: “Nia is great medicine for body and soul.”

“Pain is the body’s way of telling you that something’s wrong; something is out of balance. The energy is not flowing freely and needs to be addressed” affirms local acupuncturist, Dr. Jason Huffman, of Huffman Chiropractic & Acupuncture. His recommendation: acupuncture. And so I tried it to relieve shoulder pain from a previous bicycle injury and to find relief from those wonderful energy surges also known as “hot flashes”.

“Acupuncture is a method of encouraging the body to promote natural healing and improve function. This is done by inserting sterilized, stainless-steel needles (that are as fine as a human hair) into specific points located near or on the surface of the skin which have the ability to alter various biochemical and physiological conditions in order to treat a wide variety of illnesses.
Traditional Chinese Medicine views a person as an energy system in which body and mind are unified, each influencing and balancing the other. Unlike Western medicine which attempts to isolate and separate a disease from a person, Chinese Medicine emphasizes a holistic approach that treats the whole person.”

According to Dr. Huffman, acupuncture treatment has been proven effective for a wide variety of conditions. Treatment usually involves 10 to 30 needles. Acupuncture points most relevant to treatment are located on the lower leg, arm and upper back and neck. The needles are typically inserted less than 1/4 inch into the skin and left in place for approximately fifteen minutes.

Qi (pronounced chee) can be defined as the “force” or “vital substance” that animates and controls the observable functions of living beings. The basic foundation for Asian medicine is that this vital substance flows through the body on channels known as meridians that connect all of our major organs. According to Chinese medical theory, illness arises when the cyclical flow of Qi in the meridians becomes unbalanced or is blocked.

In other words, any kind of pain or illness represents an obstruction in the normal flow of Qi or life force. Simply put, acupuncture moves Qi, restoring free flow.

I am a believer! After 3 weeks of treatment the pain was gone and I reclaimed full range of movement of my shoulder again. And the hot flashes? Amazing… it works!

Although already a huge proponent of energy work, I decided to check out someone else’s view of energy healing and was deeply honored to meet with a very knowledgeable and gifted woman.

Blending her 34 years of experience as a nurse educator and clinical nurse specialist with her expertise as an energy work practitioner, Mary Oberg MN, RN, ARNP, BC, CHTP offers a holistic approach to health and healing: “People often take good health for granted, especially when they are young. People may develop aches and pains as aging occurs and seek out complementary therapies to assist with their sense of well-being. Energy work, massage therapy, exercise, nutrition supplements and other mind-body therapies are all excellent for promotion of well-being with the aging process. Some of the benefits of energy work include decreased pain response, decreased anxiety, accelerated healing response and promotion of a deep relaxation response.”

Mary explains that an energy healing is a bio-field therapy recognized by the National Institute of Health and is a mind-body-spirit modality promoting balance and harmony. Examples of Energy Healing include: Healing Touch, Therapeutic Touch, Barbara Brennan’s CoreStar training and Reiki. During an energy healing session which can last up to 50 minutes, the person is fully clothed while lying on a massage table; relaxing music playing in the background. Oftentimes the effects of a healing session are subtle, yet an overall sense of well- being and relaxation are the most immediately noticeable benefits.

According to renowned author and speaker, Dr. Christiane Northrup, M.D., in order to create health daily, long before illness ensues we need to pay attention to the subtle signals from our bodies about what feels good and what doesn’t. Foggy thinking, dizziness, heart palpitations, acne, headaches, and back, stomach and pelvic pain are a few of the common but subtle symptoms that often signal that it is time for us to let go of what we don’t want in life.

Each of us must develop ways to tune in to our body’s needs. We can start with the simple things. When you’re tired, rest. When you have to go to the bathroom, go. If you feel like crying, let yourself cry… Notice your breathing… what is your heart doing? Simple body awareness leads to profound body care. Be open to the messages and mysteries of your body and its symptoms. Be eager to listen and slow to judge. What you learn may have the capacity to save your life.

Remember body care begins with body awareness!

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Sources:

Rebecca Reid: Certified Nia Technique Instructor with a B.S in Exercise Science from the University of Kansas. rebeccareid@prodigy.net or www.nianow.com to find Nia classes in your area.

Dr. Jason Huffman: Huffman Chiropractic & Acupuncture, 7811 West 151st Street, Overland Park, KS 66223 913.851.8500

Mary Oberg MN, RN,ARNP, BC, CHTP: has a private energy work practice in Olathe, KS. Contact healingtouch1@sbcglobal.net or 913.599.6750

Deedre Diemer MA, your Guide and Fellow Traveler along The Authentic Journey, is an internationally acclaimed best selling author, speaker, and workshop facilitator with a private practice in Overland Park. Visit Deedre on her website: www.theauthenticjourney.com or 913.851.8991

“MALE” SPOKEN HERE

If I could communicate only one message to the men in my life it would be: “Thank you for all you’ve taught me and I’m so sorry that I kept trying to change you instead of accepting you just as you are!” It’s taken almost half a century and dozens of relationships to finally “get” that there truly IS a difference in the way men and women think, communicate, feel and relate and that’s okay!! It’s actually great and is cause for celebration! I spent decades attempting to “change” the men in my life, not realizing that my desire to “change them” was actually a slap in their face, disrespectful of their being, not to mention a complete waste of my time and energy!

During June, the month dedicated to celebrating “Dads”, I encourage all of us to focus on those qualities we appreciate in the men in our lives: husband, father, brother, son, friend, co-worker, neighbor, etc. In my work as a Personal Life Coach, the main theme I hear from my male clients is that they don’t feel appreciated and thus feel like they’re a failure. I know, I know, we can all say that, but the thing is, for a man, the need to be appreciated is at the core of his existence. Being appreciated is a male’s primary need. It lets him know he can make a difference; he measures his worth through his ability to make a positive difference in the lives of others. Appreciation becomes the fuel that motivates every action. When a man can be appreciated physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, then his power is maximized.

Remember, man is a hunter by nature; focused on results and successfully providing for his family. He is a “do-er” and has to learn to cultivate the practice of just “being”. One way man (the hunter) copes with stress is by “doing”; puttering around the house, hitting a bucket of balls, sometimes reading or watching TV. It’s akin to the hunter sitting on his rock, eyeing his prey, strategizing and waiting for the next kill… the process of thinking and “figuring out” actually relieves the “survival threat” stress. What on the outside may look like inability to sit still is actually man’s stress coping mechanism: attempting to “resolve” the problem by staying “alert”, agile and “ready” to “pounce” on their prey.

Author, John Gray (Mars and Venus: Together Forever) tells us that most men react to intense stress by shutting down their feelings and looking objectively at a situation. Even if a man’s female side is developed in many areas of his life, when he is under stress he will most likely react by pulling back and trying to figure out what has happened. This often looks like him “retreating into his cave”. His whole awareness contracts and becomes focused, like the hunter poised, all his attention focused on the goal of killing the animal and thus providing food for his family. He then tries to pull out of it by detaching himself from his emotional reactions. Becoming objective in this way, he can begin to recover and relieve the stress.

Because a man’s essential nature is masculine, to combat stress he needs to pull back and take some alone time – this is not a time for him to explore his emotional reactions, it’s his time to intensify his masculine strength. Bottom line: when your guy “goes into his cave” DON”T go in after him or you’re liable to get burned by the fiery dragon! He will come back out. When he does, he may have nothing to say having determined that everything is fine. Thus he’ll act as if everything IS fine. Trust him and relax, because in his mind it is.

A lot of male bashing goes on in our society as well as bad press about men “not being in touch with their emotions” or “inability to talk about their feelings”; making them wrong for being who they were taught to be (by their fathers and society) and who, to some degree, they are “wired” in their brains to be.

In his book, Raising Boys, Stephen Biddulph states that males tend to have a well-developed right side of the brain so besides having mathematical and mechanical abilities, males tend to be action-oriented: if they see a problem, they want to fix it. Sound familiar? The right side of the brain handles both feelings and actions, so men are more likely to take action while women tend to mull things over to the point of total paralysis! It requires extra effort for a man to shift into his left hemisphere and find the words to explain the feelings he is registering in his right hemisphere.

Women have more corpus callosum in their brains; the connective tissue that joins the right and left hemispheres of the brain. Discoveries have revealed that because women have more corpus callosum, they are able to access more quickly and more readily different parts of the brain. This makes women more flexible in their ability to shift goals in midstream (multi-task) and explains why men have a tendency to get “grumpy” and resistant when their present focus is interrupted.

“Why doesn’t my guy talk about it?” For a man, silently achieving a goal generates an instinctual feeling of security. While doing seemingly meaningless tasks, like waxing the car or driving a golf ball, a man can silently sort out his thoughts and concerns; he can clarify his values and priorities as well as develop a plan of action. He can forget the stresses of the day and begin to relax back into the joys of his relationship and the comforts of his home. This silent inner process gives him a sense of security.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your man for Father’s Day and all year round is the gift of appreciating, accepting and loving him in the present moment; honoring the “hunter” in him and all the qualities that make him so different than you, including his deep need for alone time without taking it personally or making him “wrong” for just being who he is… remember a hunter’s survival and security were ensured by moving quietly, and then successfully achieving his goal. Hunters spoke “Male”; a language of few words. Silence is a man’s birthright. “Male” is still spoken here.

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Deedre Diemer MA, your Guide and Fellow Traveler along The Authentic Journey, is an internationally acclaimed best selling author, speaker, mentor and advisor available for personal one on one coaching. Visit Deedre on her website: www.theauthenticjourney.com

RUFUS: THE CAT

I’m always amazed at how I receive some of my most poignant lessons from beloved, furry, four-legged creatures… okay and those two-legged ones, too! I’m a Personal Life Coach/Mentor by profession and regarded as an expert on relationships. Little did I know that the day Rufus pranced into my life that all my relationship “skills” would be put to the test.

Let me preface by stating that I’m already a loving human for two beautiful “foo foo” cats… indoor only types. Perfectly content with then as my feline companions; in bounds Rufus, a handsome, affectionate outgoing male Tom with a “Hey old friend!!” eagerness picking us to be his special humans.

The Indoor vs Outdoor Dilemma
My two “foo foo” cats are indoor only cats: always have been, always will be. I adopted a very clear stance that any other cat that may join the family would simply have to be indoor only… to protect my beloved “foo foos”. Then Rufus materialized to shake up my reality and force me to look at my “rigid” beliefs.

The bottom-line was: could “Rufus” the “outdoor” cat become “Rufus” the “indoor cat”. I’m protective of my “foo foos” and didn’t want to introduce the “indoor/outdoor” element into their furry lives with the coming and going of another feline: disease, fleas, ick….

I was leaning towards making “Rufus” an “indoor cat” because of his inability to defend himself with his claws… thinking that I was protecting him and doing this in “his best interest”. Then my wise counsel (a very wise male) suggested another point of view by asking a simple question: “If you were Rufus, what would you want?” My heart sank as I realized the truth that maybe Rufus was an “outdoor” cat at heart and that to force my will upon him to make him an “indoor cat” was selfish and could possibly destroy the “free Spirit” that makes him such a great cat! I was struck with the paradox of two “right” answers and really didn’t know what to do.

Rufus looked longingly at the front door. I gave the okay and Daniel, the 10 year old human opened the door. As he closed it behind Rufus I declared: “he’s an “outdoor cat” and cannot come inside anymore”… then tears welled in my eyes and I had to turn away. I realized, based on the depth of my emotions, that this was much deeper than simply allowing “Rufus, the cat” to go free. I allowed myself to cry as I climbed into bed and was dismayed when I was still crying come morning. “This is ridiculous!!” I muttered to myself.

I always search for the “deeper meaning” and “growth opportunities” in situations, so I was forced to take a long, honest look at myself: These are a few of the Insights I’ve gained from this “stray cat”.

1) It’s not Rufus, himself, it’s what he symbolized to me: the very human struggle that exists between freedom, free will and a need to feel “safe”.

The ever-present dilemma of indoor (safety, comfort, security) vs. outdoor (freedom, expansion, adventure). I started looking at it in terms of relationships: typically (not always, of course!) it’s the male (energy) who tends toward the “outdoor” philosophy of life: seeking freedom, detachment, no-strings, “just let me come and go as I please. I’ll come back when I’m ready” while the female (energy) is more of the “indoor” philosophy: wanting security, safety, protection, a home and loving and nurturing. Both worlds are very valid and important. Huge question: how is it possible for these two worlds to co-exist, allowing each others needs to be met without sacrificing the “spirit” of each dream?? Some would suggest it requires creating another world of “shared dreams”… yet what happens to the “dreams of the old world”? Are they just repressed and ignored and put on permanent hold?? Are you expecting an answer? Sorry, I don’t have one… that’s one of the paradoxes of life.

2) My best guess is that it most likely comes down to that “allowing” thing: you know, “allowing others to live the life they choose”.. even when we think we “know what’s better for them”. That, and “acceptance”… accepting each person in the moment, just as they are (not who you want them to be, or their potential, but who they are in that moment!)… and being able to love fully and completely without attachment… Yeah, I know… simple… but not easy for the vast majority of us!! That requires a lot of Trust… mostly Self-trust and a primordial trust that all is happening as it’s supposed to.

3) I’m open-minded and was initially chagrinned to uncover more areas where I was still very rigid in my beliefs. Letting go of “rigid” thinking and the need to see things as black or white is crucial in loving relationships. It was my rigid black or white, draw-the-line-in-the-sand thinking that created the pain inside of me. My need to control the outcome and not compromise set up internal conflict. Based on the information I had, I truly believed I was “right” and that there was only one “right way”…I didn’t allow for that “gray area” until this grey cat sauntered into my life! After all, I have yet to learn how to comfortably embrace that gray/uncertain area of life…

Are you an “indoor” or an “outdoor” cat? I imagine we’re all a mixture of both—depending on the situation. However, the likelihood is strong that in the areas where you’re “outdoor” your loved one may be “indoor” and vice versa. Rather than making your beloved “wrong” for being who they are, I encourage you to step back and from a place of compassionate detachment and the eyes of loving, “see” your partner for the loving being they are: doing their best with the information they have in the moment. When you find yourself in a “rigid place” needing to be “right”, ask yourself this question: “Would you rather be right… or happy??” Indoor/outdoor is very much like yin/yang: it’s all about finding the balance.

I’m definitely exploring balance, allowing and trust in my relationship with Rufus, the cat. I learn so much from him everyday as I allow him to be the cat that he is. I love watching him become the skillful hunter outdoors and then welcome him inside to be the affectionate, loving indoor cat. All this from Rufus, The Cat!! Thank you my furry master teacher!! I’ll continue to keep some kibble by the door for you…

Treasure Maps

YOUR TREASURE MAP/VISION BOARD

I just completed facilitating a wildly successful workshop this weekend…(Wake Up! Show Up! Start Living YOUR Life Now!!) as always I’m touched by the courage and willingness of those who participated. My heart is full and I am grateful for the opportunity to share some of the wisdom that life has taught me over the decades!

One of the “fun” exercises I shared was creating Treasure Maps or Vision Boards. I’m a tremendous believer in Treasure Maps… they work!!!

I’ve been creating treasure maps since the late 80’s and when I look at my old ones, I’m amazed at how many of the images that I chose to put on my maps have actually shown up in my life. It’s truly remarkable and extraordinarily powerful!

Just last week as I was putting the final “prep” on the workshop I ran across an article by Cheryl Richardson.. all about Treasure Maps! I just smiled!! (when someone else says it so clearly, why mess with re-writing it! So here’s her definition: ) A Treasure Map/Vision Board is a visual representation of those things you most want at this time in your life — people, opportunities, money, material objects, or experiences that are fun or that challenge you to grow. The images can even represent a particular value that’s important to you like beauty or health, and can also reflect a quality you intend to develop like courage, worthiness or patience.

Creating a treasure map may sound like a fun “artsy” sort of project, but it’s much, much more than that. The “fun” aspect gets our “inner child” involved and excited about the process. Taking the time to create this map will challenge you to think seriously about what you want at this time in your life. It will give your soul an opportunity to speak to you through images, without your head getting in the way. It will keep you firmly connected to what matters most throughout the year. And, most of all, it will become a vivid demonstration of magnetic energy — the ability to actually draw toward you your dreams, goals, and desires using the power of your imagination.

Because a treasure map is tangible, it helps you to “see”/”visualize” the outcome you want. I’ve found that it’s even more empowering when you include pictures of yourself in the map as well. One reason visualization in general is so powerful is because as you create pictures in your mind of seeing yourself with what it is you want, you are generating thoughts and feelings of having it now. Visualization is simply powerfully focused thought in pictures, and it causes equally powerful feelings. When you are visualizing, you are emitting that powerful frequency out into the Universe. The law of attraction will take hold of that powerful signal and return those pictures back to you, just as you saw them in your mind.

How to Create Your Own Treasure Map/Vision Board

1. Discover your desires. Ask your inner wisdom for guidance and give yourself permission to dream. Look through books, magazines, or catalogs for those pictures, phrases, titles, headlines, or single words that tug at your heart. Although many of us have a conscious idea of what we’d like to have in our lives, there are usually hidden desires — soulful desires — that live just below the surface of our conscious thought. The soul speaks to us in images and that’s why we start with this exercise. Your soul images often reflect those things that you really want deep down inside — the dreams that you can’t believe will come true, the goals that feel out of reach, or the hidden longings that you feel too embarrassed to admit. Let yourself dream big, loud, and wide, and whether the images you feel drawn to make sense or not, cut them out anyway.

2. Create your treasure map. Once you’ve gathered your words and pictures, it’s time to design your map. To do this, use some kind of canvas — a piece of poster board, a notebook, or even a wall in your home. Go through your clippings, cut them into desired shapes and sizes, and position them on your canvas. Take your time and play around with the layout. Once you have an idea of how you want it to look, you’re ready to paste the images on your canvas. Make this map your own personal work of art. When you’re done, you want your treasure map to invoke a feeling of “I love this!”

3. Review and display. Once you’ve completed your map, it can be fun to consider the following questions: Do I notice any themes? Have I chosen items that surprise me? Is the placement of my images significant? Then, when you’re ready, put your map someplace where you’ll see it every day.

Creating a treasure map that feels good takes time. If you’re busy, don’t try to complete it in one sitting. Allow yourself several weeks if need be to create the kind of map that feels right to you. Once you’re done, be sure to look at it every day. By seeing it on a regular basis, you’ll find that your mind naturally begins to orient itself around your desires. For example, you’ll probably start to see signs of your goals and dreams everywhere. And, that’s when the magic begins! And update it when new desires come forward.

Two vital keys to manifesting what’s on your Treasure map are: 1. cultivating your attitude of gratitude and 2. “acting as if” you already have it NOW…making it as real and in the present moment as possible… this shifts your energy/vibration which in turn will attract a similar vibration; the ol’ “like attracts like” law of attraction.

Remember it takes 30 days to create a new habit and at least 60 days to break an old habit (negative thinking, “lack consciousness”, etc) . So I encourage you to spend 10 -15 minutes a day, joyfully, enthusiastically and with a sense of play.. “visualizing” what you DO want.. be sure to include yourself in your visualizations! Get yourself in a positive emotional state by listening to music, dancing, thinking of a loved one, whatever creates a positive emotional state for you… and then from that place spend time visualizing what’s on your Treasure Map as if you already have it!!

Once again, this is how you create your Treasure Map/Vision Board:

1. Gather together at least 6 or 8 favorite books, magazines, or catalogs.
2. Cut out words and images that speak to you.
3. Choose a canvas (poster board, notebook, a wall in your home or office, etc.).
4. Schedule time to create your map.
5. Put the images on the canvas and move them around until it looks right.
6. Glue/tape the images and words to the canvas.
7. Find a perfect spot to display your artwork.
8. Be sure to look at it everyday with enthusiasm and excitement for what’s to come… “acting as if” it has already manifested.
9. Cultivate your “attitude of gratitude” by thanking the Universe ahead of time for what you have… “thank you for my wonderful, nurturing home…” etc.
10. Practice “deliberately creating” your life by focusing on what you DO want… holding that positive focus.

Again in the words of Mike Dooley, “thoughts become things, choose the good ones!!”

This stuff works! I guarantee it!

Give yourself the gift of abundance, health, prosperity and joy! You deserve it. Claim it! It is yours!

In loving,
Deedre

A Huge Sigh of Relief!!

There are many things I’ve been “pondering” over the last few days… some highly personal, some political and some “spiritual” as well. I will write more on that later while I let it “percolate” some more.

Needless to say, we are all recovering from the “mid-term” elections and it’s aftermath. I personally am breathing a huge sigh of relief… mostly because the American people participated and took action… now THAT is thrilling!! And because now we will not be bombarded with those negative campaign ads that have been polluting the air waves and yes, energy fields of all of us!! At least until the Presidential campaign starts…

I am not politically savvy. I have camped out in both “parties” throughout my life: growing up in a conservative Republican Midwest family, pro-Nixon – who secretly adored JFK! Then being a Liberal Arts Major and moving to California pretty much sealed the deal on Democratic thinking… until I married a very successful, conservative Republican business man. I was chastised for my “liberal” thinking and ultimately switched back to Republican, (wonderful co-dependent strategy of survival) until I became a passionate Democrat again in the Clinton era! Now, divorced and living on my own… I am serenly Independent in more ways than one! I see the perceived flaws in both parties as well as the attributes; how both have flagrantly strayed far away from our Founding Father’s vision… and yet when push comes to shove it is wonderful to know that coming back to the basics—the checks and balances of the way our Democracy is set up, the House as a voice for the people and the Senate the voice of the government can and does work… when we let it. It is integral that both parties have voices in order to keep things balanced; that’s the beauty of the way the “system” was set up. So much of the “partisanship” is for campaign and political show… a smoke and mirrors full of bluster and hot air designed to create divisiveness — a dimension added on to add drama and “show”… not a dimension created by our fore fathers’ vision.

It is indeed a new era and I’m grateful, hopeful and cautiously optomistic. Yet I also know that there is tremendous work to be done and that we cannot afford the luxury of complacency and denial any more… in any area of our lives. We must continue using our voices, standing up for what is “true” and reaching across party lines in hopes of healing our nation and ourselves.

I will let someone else who is far more clever and knowledgeable tantalize your thoughts on the ensuing political challenges that lie ahead. The following is an article by one of America’s literary treasures and humorists, Garrison Keillor. Warning!! It is very much “pro-Democrat”, so I encourage you to read it with an open mind and sense of humor, remembering to practice “compassionate detachment” aka “neutrality”.

Enjoy!

A Hint of Possibility In the Air

By Garrison Keillor, The Chicago Tribune
Wednesday 08 November 2006

So now we have thrown some rascals out and left some rascals in power and sent some new folks to Washington to learn the art of rascality, and what in the end, after all the hoopla, will really change? Or will the town drunk continue to run the municipal liquor store?

Perhaps there will be some rational debate on the war. The voters have said they don’t want the 30 Years War that Vice President Dick Cheney envisions, so it’s time for him and his friend to start making other arrangements. This happens all the time in the real world. If you can’t accomplish the mission, then you accept it and find a graceful way out.

The health insurance crisis may be addressed, and the crippled behemoth that is Homeland Security. And surely Congress will rediscover the use of the subpoena and require public servants to account for themselves under oath. This would be a novelty. After six years of ingenious spin, we could get a history lesson while we’re still young enough to profit from it.

People still care deeply about our government, despite every invitation to disillusionment. This is the astonishment. For my generation, the first big blow was the failure of Washington to get to the truth about the assassination of John F. Kennedy and then its inability to change a disastrous course in Vietnam. You stand at the majestic polished wall with the 57,000 names on it, and you look across the river to Arlington, and here, within one mile, are two enormous aching sorrows, and a mile behind you is the U.S. Supreme Court, which threw the election of 2000. Some people killed our president and got away with it; men were shipped off to die in a lousy war promulgated by Democrats afraid to be called weak on communism; and an election was stolen, no protest. And yet we still stroll down to the church and cast our ballots. We live on hope.

Forty years ago I drove to Baltimore for a friend’s wedding and then, on a powerful urge, veered off toward Washington. It was night. I drove through a confusing grid of diagonals and circles, saw the great dome illuminated, drove up to it and parked and walked in. You could do that then. A few cops stood around, and you strolled past them and into the rotunda, and stood dazed and humbled in this space where great men had moved. The tragedy of secession was played out in these halls, and the New Deal was launched, and FDR was carried up here after Pearl Harbor to declare World War II, after which wise men designed the Marshall Plan that rebuilt Europe and the GI Bill of Rights that built an American middle class.

It has been a long time since we had reason to be proud of these people, though they are essentially the same people as those who accomplished great things. So what’s wrong?

One problem with Congress is that 90 percent of it is ceremonial and so little has to do with elucidation. The Honorable meets with representatives of the American Beer Can Association, the Swizzle Stick Foundation, the League of Tutu Manufacturers, and poses for photos and listens to their pitches, and then goes to the floor and proclaims Eugene P. Fenstermaker Day, and then to a subcommittee hearing to read a two-page statement praising the arts as a triumphant manifestation of the human spirit, and then back to the office to welcome 10 fat men in beanies and the 4-Hers from Hooperville, then off to the banquet of the American Ferret Federation, and seldom during the day is the Honorable ever challenged or questioned or asked to listen to anything that wasn’t vetted and paid for. The Great Personage is either regarded with servile deference or heartily abused by bloggers. This is not a good life for an inquiring mind.

You meet congressmen in private and they’re perfectly thoughtful and well-spoken people, nothing like the raging idiots they impersonate in campaign ads, and you think, maybe Congress needs more privacy. Send them off on unchaperoned trips to see the world firsthand. More closed-door caucuses where they can say what they think without worrying that one stray phrase may kill them.

Or maybe Congress simply needed more Democrats. We are a civil bunch, owing to our contentious upbringings. With a smart, well-spoken woman for speaker instead of that lumbering, mumbling galoot who covered for the Current Occupant, perhaps life will get more interesting. Maybe they’ll do something good. It’s possible.

(In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.)

Hallowe’en: Unmasked!!

I woke up this morning with one primary thought on my mind: Halloween!! Now THAT’s scary!! I’d gone to the store yesterday and picked up some “treats” for the anticipated “trick-or-treaters”. Now in California, I was practically shunned when I handed out those sugary candy bars, etc. The preferred treat was nuts, pretzels or granola bars. So when I arrived home yesterday with these “healthy” goodies I was promptly reminded that children in Kansas prefer Snickers, Milky Ways, etc. I just shook my head because… so do I! I love my candy! This morning I ventured out to snare some of the more delectable goodies. En route I began to ponder what the significance of Halloween really is. I mean I know in its original form it has Pagan overtones, etc. So I thought I’d do some research. Inquiring minds, ya know!!

Thank heavens for “google”, wikipedia and the likes!! I remember as a child being at the mercy of our out-dated World Book Encyclopedias and our barely more current Americana Annuals. A trip to the library rarely happened as that meant inconveniencing some adult or sibling of driving age… good luck with that!! So, I once more give humble thanks to our technological advances that have afforded us the ability to access information with a click of a keystroke.

I wanted to get different perspectives on this night known as “Halloween”, “Samhain” or “All Hallow’s Eve”: the most magical night of the year: Pagan, Christian, other country’s traditions and what I learned was simply fascinating to me. That being said, I’d like to share with you some of my findings.

According to Jack Santino from his article: “The Fantasy and Folklore of All Hallows”, Halloween had its beginnings in an ancient, pre-Christian Celtic festival of the dead. The Celtic peoples were once found all over Europe, until the Anglo-Saxon invasions of the 5th and 6th centuries AD pushed the native Celts north and westward in Britain to what is present day Wales and Northern England. The Celts divided the year by four major holidays. According to their calendar, the year began on a day corresponding to November 1st on our present calendar. The date marked the beginning of winter. Since they were pastoral people, it was a time when cattle and sheep had to be moved to closer pastures and all livestock had to be secured (and some slaughtered) for the winter months. Crops were harvested and stored. The date marked both an ending and a beginning in an eternal cycle.

Not only did the date mark the end of autumn (the bright half of the year) it also signified the end of the old year and the beginning of the new: Celtic New Year’s Eve, when the new year begins with the onset of the dark phase of the year. The festival observed at this time was called Samhain (pronounced Sah-ween). It was the biggest and most significant holiday of the Celtic year. According to Mike Nichols from his article, All Hallow’s Eve:

There are many representations of Celtic Gods with two faces, and it surely must have been one of them who held sway over Samhain. Like his Roman counterpart Janus, he would straddle the threshold, one face turned toward the past, in commemoration of those who died during the last year, and one face gazing hopefully toward the future, mystic eyes attempting to pierce the veil and divine what the coming year holds. These two themes, celebrating the dead and divining the future, are inexorably intertwined in Samhain, as they are likely to be in any New Year’s celebration.

The Celts believed that at the time of Samhain, more so than any other time of the year, the ghosts of the dead were able to mingle with the living, (the veil separating the two worlds blurred for that one evening). At Samhain the souls of those who had died during the year traveled into the otherworld. They would come to celebrate with their family, tribe or clan. People gathered to sacrifice animals, fruits, and vegetables. The spirit world was accessible through the burial mounds. The great burial mounds of Ireland were opened up twice a year: once at Beltane and again at Samhain, making the beginning and end of Summer highly spiritually resonant. The walls were lined with burning torches to assist the dead in finding their way. They also lit bonfires in honor of the dead, to further aid them on their journey, and to keep them away from the living. Extra places were set at the table and food set out for any who had died that year.

So, you may ask: “How in the world did this Festival of the Dead become our modern day “Halloween? ”

This can be attributed to the spread of Christianity. Think of the Arthurian Legends: the diminishing of the “Old Religion” as personified through Merlin and the Lady of the Lake being banished, sent underground as the “New Religion” takes over. As a result of their efforts to wipe out “pagan” holidays, such as Samhain, the Christians succeeded in effecting major transformations in it. In 601 A.D. Pope Gregory the First issued an edict to his missionaries concerning the native beliefs and customs of the peoples he hoped to convert. Rather than try to obliterate native people’s customs and beliefs, the pope instructed his missionaries to use them: if a group of people worshipped a tree, rather than cut it down, he advised them to consecrate it to Christ and allow it continued worship. Very clever, indeed!

This brilliant strategy became the basic approach used in Catholic missionary work. Church holy days were purposely set to coincide with native (Pagan) holy days. Christmas, for instance, was assigned the arbitrary date of December 25th because it corresponded with the mid-winter celebration of many peoples. Likewise, St. John’s Day was set on the Summer Solstice.

Of course, with its emphasis on the supernatural, Samhain was obviously a Pagan festival. Pagan beliefs, deities, etc. of the “Old Religion” were deemed by the Christians as “evil” and associated with the devil. Thus the Druids, (the priests, poets, scholars and scientists and spiritual leaders of the Celts) were considered evil worshippers of devilish or demonic gods and spirits. And the Celtic underworld inevitably became identified with the Christian Hell.

Although this strategy was successful in diminishing the beliefs in the traditional Pagan gods, it did not completely eradicate them… much to the dismay of the Christians. Thus, belief in magic and the supernatural persisted and when the Church defined them as being not merely dangerous, but malicious, the followers of the Old Religion were forced into hiding and were branded as witches.

The Christian feast of All Saints was assigned to November 1st in 835 A.D. The day honored every Christian saint. This feast day was created to substitute for Samhain, to draw the devotion of the Celtic peoples, and, eventually replace it forever. Complete substitution never happened, however the traditional Celtic deities were diminished in status, becoming faeries and leprechauns of the more recent traditions.

The old beliefs associated with Samhain never died out completely; perhaps the powerful symbolism of the traveling dead was too strong and too basic to the human psyche. Recognizing the depth of the old beliefs, the church tried once more to replace the energies of Samhain by introducing another feast day in 998 A.D. November 2nd was established as All Souls Day – a day when the living prayed for the souls of all the dead in the belief that the souls of those who had recently departed remained in a sort of limbo state and needed the prayers of the living to guide them to heaven. Although the practice of retaining traditional customs of the Old Religion while attempting to redefine them in Christian terms had a sustaining effect, the Old Religion beliefs and customs lived on, just in new guises.

All Saints Day, otherwise known as All Hallows Day (hallowed means sanctified or holy), continued the ancient Celtic traditions. The evening prior to the day (our Halloween) was the time of the most intense activity, both human and supernatural. People continued to celebrate All Hallows Eve as a time of the wandering dead, but the supernatural beings were now thought to be evil. Eventually, the name “All Hallows Eve” was shortened to the current “Hallow’een”.

In effect, Halloween became one vigil for two feasts celebrated by the whole Church. In the 16th century at the time of the Reformation, most Protestant churches discarded both the doctrine of the communion of saints and the practice of praying for the dead. All Hallows Eve became “hollow” for them, the vigil of an empty feast day and thus became “Reformation Day”.

According to wikipedia, Hallowe’en did not become a holiday in America until the 19th century, where lingering Puritan tradition meant even Christmas was scarcely observed before the 1800’s. The transatlantic migration of nearly two million Irish following the Irish Potato Famine (1845-1849) brought the holiday and its customs to America.

Commercial exploitation of the Halloween in America did not begin until the 20th century. Mass produced Halloween costumes did not appear in stores until the 1950’s, when trick-or-treating became a fixture of the holiday. In the United States, Halloween has become one of the most profitable holidays, next to Christmas, for retailers. Get this statistic!!! In 2005, the National Confectioners Association reported that 80% of adults planned to give out candy and that 93% of children planned to go trick-or-treating!!

As you are well aware, the main event of modern US-style Halloween is trick-or-treating, in which children dress up in costumes disguises and go door-to-door in their neighborhood, ringing each doorbell and yelling “trick or treat!” Although resembling the older tradition of “guising” in Ireland and Scotland, ritual begging on Halloween does not appear in English-speaking America until the 20th century. The wearing of costumes, for instance, and roaming from door to door demanding treats can be traced to the Celtic period and the first few centuries of the Christian era, when it was thought that the souls of the dead were out and around, along with fairies, witches, and demons. Offerings of food and drink were left out to placate them. As the centuries wore on, people began dressing like these creatures, performing antics in exchange for food and drink. This practice is called mumming, from which the practice of trick-or-treating evolved. To this day, witches, ghosts, and skeleton figures of the dead are among the favorite disguises. Halloween also retains some features that harken back to the original harvest holiday of Samhain, such as the customs of bobbing for apples and carving vegetables, as well as the fruits, nuts, and spices cider associated with the day.

In Ireland, great bonfires were lit throughout the breadth of the land. Young children in their guises were gladly received by the neighbors with some “fruit, apples and nuts and of course sweets” for the “Halloween Party”, whilst older male siblings played innocent pranks on bewildered victims.

In Scotland, children or “guisers” are more likely to recite: “The sky is blue, the grass is green, may we have our Halloween?” instead of “trick or treat”. They visit neighbors in groups and must impress the members of the houses they visit with a song, poem, trick, joke or dance in order to earn their treats. Traditionally, nuts, oranges, apples and dried fruit were offered, though sometimes children would also earn a small amount of cash, usually a sixpence. Very small children often take part, for whom the experience of performing can be more terrifying than the ghosts outside.

In England, trick or treating does take place, particularly in working class neighborhoods. On the whole, however, it is frowned upon as a form of begging and as a negative part of American global culture. Gotta love ‘em, eh??

So much for the simplicity of “Trick or treat, smell my feet, bring me something good to eat!”. I hope you have found this little journey into the origins of Halloween enlightening. I know I sure have.

I have a deeper appreciation for the magical, mystical qualities that gave birth to Hallowe’en. Perhaps it is a transformative, holy evening when the veil of separateness can be lifted and illusions of trickery can be illuminated. Perhaps this is a magical night that encourages us to respect death as a part of life. A time for looking back and also a time for “divining” our future from the perspective of the present moment. A time for silent prayer not only for those who have left the physical planet, but also for all beings on earth. Prayers of compassion, forgiveness and guidance…

Don’t we all at times feel like we’re just roaming around with only our little candles in a carved out pumpkin to light our way? And yet, we are grateful for that light, no matter how small it is.

Perhaps Halloween is a perfect time to ask yourself what disguises you wear? Or maybe there’s a particular way you’d like to be, a quality you’d like to embrace that you can “try on for size”. Find a costume that symbolizes that quality for you and wear it! The old traditions allowed this to be night when men would dress as women and women as men. For that one evening, they could understand what it was to be like the other… now that’s a very enlightening experience, wouldn’t you say??

Tradition shows us that at it’s root and always, October 31st has been a day of festival, of celebration and togetherness: food, cider, mischief, and of opening our minds to the possibilities of magic and the Spirit world. Traditions and beliefs that are deeper and stronger, almost cellular that will not be eradicated by an external force. Isn’t that what faith, trust and love is all about??

This year as you celebrate the season, I encourage you to embrace those qualities of faith, trust and love… to let your light shine bright and guide the way for others who are wandering… looking for “home”. On this evening, anything is possible!!

Oh yea… and a few treats could be fun, too!!

Remember, even at Hallowe’en: We are Divine Beings having a Human Experience on this planet!!

It All Starts With You!!

As I gaze out my office window I see my favorite trees, their leaves starting to fall and the colors turning beautiful fiery reds, oranges and yellows… What a beautiful sight!! The wind is blowing, giving the illusion that it’s getting cold outside. Out front I see… a giant moving van, blocking my driveway. Surprisingly I’m okay with that since I have a couple of hours until my next appointment.

What this has to do with anything… I can’t say… it’s just my way of settling in to writing. There are so many different topics I’d like to cover, however I think I’ll stick to one that is most likely effecting us all: We are 20 days from Election Day and the media has inundated us with all sorts of campaign ads, political pundits espousing their latest theories and “what ifs”, mud slinging and accusation coming from all sides… that’s just the game of politics.

Now, in the past I have gotten very caught up in the well-constructed illusion of right/wrong, good/bad and the illusion that what we hear and read is Truth. Years of experience have taught me that what we hear has been carefully crafted and spun to appeal to our fears, incite righteousness and create separateness in order to continue the illusion of the us-vs.-them mentality.

I’m all for passion and believing, however, I also caution about letting “blind devotion”, “blind obedience” and what the media is feeding us dictate how you’re going to vote your conscious. You see, as recovering co-dependents, there may be a tendency to “vote along party lines”, listen to what “someone in authority” directs you to do, etc… namely giving your power away to a person, place, thing or institution outside of yourself!! Yes, and that does include those preachers who “in the name of God” are telling you who to vote for… excuse me… that is why our founding Fathers fought for separation of church and state!!

I bring this up because, as a society, we’re at yet another crossroads and rather than allowing highly trained manipulators to create further separation and hardness as is the up-until-now norm of election year behavior, I encourage all of us to resist the all-powerful urge to choose anger, judgementalness and fanaticism and instead choose to find the peace, compassion, love and discernment within, that is our God-given right. And from that place of compassionate detachment and neutrality decide your voting preferences.

Based on past experience, we know the “ante” is going to be upped the next few weeks, with more focus on that which will create fear and anger. Mistrust is rampant. When you find yourself reacting to campaign ads or to what your neighbor is stating, I encourage you to immediately find that place inside of you where you hold love and compassion. (Perhaps think of a loved one: your pet, your child, your beloved… something that warms your heart and creates a feeling of peace and warmth inside of you.) The strategy of politics is to “divide and conquer”; create a hierarchy of power and partisanship so that the power of Unity will not be present. You see, love, compassion and peace are extraordinarily powerful when applied in every moment. When united in love, harmony and a greater good, we are strong… when divided, we crumble and fall into chaos. It’s a choice. And it’s a personal choice that only each individual can make.

I know this may all seem a bit “pie in the sky” and 1960 “make love not war”-ish, yet there is great truth in the concept. And although a seemingly daunting task to undertake, it really is quite simple. It all starts with you! Neither you nor I can “change” anyone, however, we can choose to live in Grace, compassion and holding love and peace in our hearts. That simple (albeit challenging) act can have a tremendous impact on the world around you.

You may notice that as you choose love over hate and war, choose compassionate detachment over emotional attachment to the outcome, your life will change… the people around you will change. You will attract more loving people into your life.. because it’s all “energy”… the “law of attraction” so to speak. What you think, do, say and hold in your heart you will attract to you. And if you’re holding these thoughts of “against ness”, revenge, anger, mistrust and prejudice; guess what’s going to show up in your life?? “Against ness”, revenge, anger, mistrust and prejudice!!! All of those negative things, which will just “prove” to you that “life sucks” and that you’re “right”. To which I ask you another question: “Would you rather be right or happy?”

Well, the moving van is no longer obstructing my driveway, so I’m free to venture forth. Seems very appropriate in a way: separateness, anger, mistrust and the need to be right obstruct our ability to genuinely love and move about freely. I could’ve gone into upset, rage and anger at “being inconvenienced” by the moving van… yet it wouldn’t have made it move any quicker. Instead I chose to find the creative, peaceful, loving place inside of me, knowing that the van would move when it moves… much to my surprise, it’s gone, in what feels like a brief amount of time!

You too can choose how you will react to situations within and without you… focusing on the beautiful colors and changes that surround you or the frustrations, inconveniences and obstructions in your life. Which do you choose! To quote Mike Dooley: “Thoughts become things… choose the good ones!”

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged…

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged….

Whew boy!! Are those powerful words to heed!!

Before I go further, let me express my thanks to you for visiting my website and /or participating in my teleclasses with the University of Masters… As you may be aware, I’ve relocated back to my “roots” in the Midwest and as such have many, many tales to share with you. This has been such a wonderful adventure filled with many “learning opportunities”, yet unfortunately during this transition I have neglected one of my greatest passions: writing… so I am declaring that “I’m back” and will regularly be writing articles for my blog… so please check back often!!

Okay now… after that “announcement” let me return to the theme of “Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged”….

As you can imagine, relocating to the Heartland after spending over a quarter of a century in California has brought to light numerous challenges as well as numerous blessings. Admittedly, living on the West Coast has allowed me to embrace a very open and what some may call, “liberal” way of viewing life which can be very threatening and to some folk just “downright wrong and sinful”. That has become very obvious to me in recent weeks.

Yet like a child I keep marching back into the den of lions expecting a different experience. Reminder to Self: the definition of “insanity” is doing the same thing you’ve always done and expecting different results and being completely bewildered when the results are the same as they’ve always been!

No, it’s not that bad, it just feels like it at times. I don’t like feeling judged, condemned and categorized. It feels awful!! Yet, being a good student of life, these occurrences have forced me to look at myself. If I am attracting these situations, what is it inside of me that I am still judging, condemning and categorizing!? In what areas of my life am I closed, opinionated, righteous and feeling threatened by different beliefs?? We all have those areas and occasionally it’s a good idea to take stock of that which we rigidly hold onto…. Whether it’s a belief system, a person, a way of life or an institution. Who or what in your life are you holding on to, righteously defending and are unwilling to “come off your position” on? I encourage you to explore what you hold to so tightly that you’re not willing to compromise on.

And of course, I’m human, so when I perceive I’m being judged, I immediately want to make that person wrong for judging me. As I slip into judgment about those people whom I feel judged by, it creates separateness, hardness and a desire to make the world black and white. The trouble is: life just isn’t black and white, right and wrong or good and bad. There are a lot of gray areas… and gray areas can be tremendously challenging for those of us recovering from co-dependency.

Once I was issued this challenge: (actually if memory serves me, these are words of wisdom from Yoda to Luke Skywalker: ) “That which you hold so dear, so close, you must be willing to lose.” A number of times in my lifetime I’ve had to come to a place of complete surrender inside in order to facilitate “letting go” of that which I held most dear: a dream, a belief, a person, a job… Because when we hold onto something too tight, there is no room for anything else… if you hold a person too tight or too close, you run the risk of smothering him or her. If you hold onto a dream or belief too tight the tension and energy required to maintain that rigidity, doesn’t allow any new belief or idea to come in… and although different and perhaps initially threatening, a new belief may be what is required to take you to the next level of your growth… to the next part of your Authentic Journey. Think about what happens when you maintain a tight grip on an object in your hand for any length of time: the muscles start cramping, aching and pain sets in until the pain goes away and you’re left with numbness and an inability to move your fingers. It’s the same experience in life. We often hold onto “things” (beliefs, persons, material possessions) in our lives out of habit and fear rather than conscious choice and trust and thus we immobilize ourselves.

When challenged to “let it go” and do things differently we will staunchly defend our position. When I feel that urge to defend my beliefs I stop myself and think of a quote from Richard Bach’s, Illusions: “Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they’re yours!” I read that book years ago when I first started on this journey and those words have always stayed with me. I’ve not always been successful in implementing them, yet when I do remember, they bring great wisdom and comfort.

So, my lesson for myself that I’d like to share with you is: A mega dose of forgiveness for the judgments I’ve placed on myself and on others. We all have a right to believe what we believe without fear of being judged and ridiculed or “made wrong”. With that freedom comes a willingness and a challenge to stand side by side next to someone who does not hold the same beliefs—beliefs you may passionately disagree with– and just agree to differ without the right/wrong, good/bad judgment. Wouldn’t it be incredibly boring if we all held the exact same beliefs? Those who challenge us in our beliefs and behaviors are the visitors to our banquet of equanimity that I’ve spoken of previously in the teleclasses… they are our opportunity to choose compassionate detachment and acceptance.

I’m not saying it’s easy. If it were we’d all be harmoniously co-existing rather than creating separation and war.

Another lesson I’ve learned is that some things are so precious and “sacred” that perhaps they are not intended to be disclosed to those who may render “judgment”. My personal example is my relationship to God… to Source. I have now embraced that for me, this relationship is a very personal, private and sacred relationship that is not open to discussion or debate. I have profound respect for others’ relationship to the Higher Power of their choosing as well. So often this is a “slippery area”, yet it doesn’t have to be. Our conversations with God are for us and us alone.

And with that I leave you with this story that was just sent to me:

DADDY’S EMPTY CHAIR

A man’s daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows. An empty chair sat beside his bed.

The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit. “I guess you were expecting me, he said.

“No, who are you?” said the father.

The minister told him his name and then remarked, “I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew I was going to show up.”

“Oh yeah, the chair,” said the bedridden man. “Would you mind closing the door?”

Puzzled, the minister shut the door.

“I have never told anyone this, not even my daughter,” said the man. “But all of my life I have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head. I abandoned any attempt at prayer,” the old man continued, “until one day four years ago my best friend said to me, “Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus. Here is what I suggest. Sit down in a chair, place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair. It’s not spooky because he promised,
‘I will be with you always’. Then just speak to him in the same way you’re doing with me right now.”

“So, I tried it and I’ve liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I’m careful though if my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she’d either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm.”

The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey. Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church. Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon.

“Did he die in peace?” he asked.

“Yes, when I left the house about two o’clock , he called me over to his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead. But there was something strange about his death. Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?”

The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, “I wish we could all go like that.”

I asked God for water,
He gave me an ocean.
I asked God for a flower,
He gave me a garden.
I asked God for a friend,
He gave me all of YOU…
If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

Remember, please be gentle with yourself. You are a Divine Being having a Human Experience on this Planet.

In loving support,

Deedre

Still Searching ….

I’m still searching for those clues in the “clueless Universe”… I admit it!! Sometimes a girl has gotta do what a girl’s gotta do… and for me that’s asking for and being open to the information provided by the “clues” from the Universe that will guide me….

How shall I share this?? Let me just share that lately I have been particularly challenged with how to deal with “challenging people” and situations. I know it’s a growth process… what isn’t, right? Duh! And I know it’s partly me getting clear on what I will and will not allow in my life: you know that proverbial “setting boundaries” that we co-dependents love to do!! Yet the question that has been foremost in my mind and heart is: “what do I do with those people that I really am not compatible with on a vibrational/emotional/spiritual level yet are a part of my life… like it or not?” My answer: I really don’t know!! And that is what I’ve been asking for guidance on.

Case in point: this past weekend I had a situation arise where I, being the eternal optimist and having that perplexing co-dependent habit of always seeing the good in a person, whether it’s there on the physical or not (you can relate, can’t you? It’s that phenomenon of “falling in love with someone’s potential” versus accepting him or her for who they are in the present moment…the what you see is what you get reality that escapes us. And no… this doesn’t even involve feelings for a romantic partner this time!!) Even though logically my mind understands that some people really prefer the comfort of living in misery and blame and just aren’t pleasant to be around… my heart wants to see the “good” and “fix” that person! AUGH!! Anyway… in an attempt to “befriend” someone who is going to be a part of my life from now on… I got to experience the equivalent of having a yapping terrier nipping at my heels in a total frenzy as if I were the rat it was hunting, while I stood there in absolute shock… dumbfounded. I’m still not sure of the words spoken, it’s rather a blur. I just recall the feeling of complete bewilderment, hurt and embarrassment for reaching out in what I perceived to be a friendly gesture and being completely rejected. I turned to my niece and my friend who witnessed the whole happening and observed their sadness, fear and desire to console me. The sadness lingered for quite some time… as the three of us did our best to “shake it off”…

At first my response to my friends was: “Well, you know some people are just so hurt and frightened inside that they lash out like that… like a frightened animal. It’s important to not take it personally and to do our best to detach with compassion… and as best as possible choose not to have them around us…” But then I kept asking myself: “How do I do that in this scenario?” I’m still not sure… however I’d like to share some of the “clues” the Universe has provided me thus far this morning… which really make me laugh.

My usual pattern is to “analyze” the person and try to really understand their pain, etc… It’s that co-dependent as well as acting training… wanting to understand the motivation of the character… I started to do this and suddenly just stopped the analysis, thinking to myself: “Why? I already have compassion for this person, I don’t have to get into her skin to feel her pain to understand… it’s very obvious. So just let it be.” Now, that in itself is a victory… however, I’m still left with the “Why?” “Why did I attract this to me?” And “What am I going to do about it?”

Then the first clue arrived on my email: thank you “Thoughts from the Universe” at www.tut.com:

“Dee Dee, what if I told you that your every conflict, disappointment, struggle or challenge, with others or yourself, was merely a manifestation of what’s going on within your own thinking… would you go there first to fix, mend, and allay?

Yeah, you might miss the drama.

The Universe
Would you, Dee Dee?”

At first I was: “yea, right… whatever!! This isn’t about me!!” Or is it???

Clue #2: Sitting at Denny’s, treating myself to breakfast in beautiful Kansas City…. My waitress approached me with this beautiful smile and with a melodious Jamaican voice welcomed me to her table. I smile, starting to realize that the Universe is indeed sending me clues again… what a beautiful spirit she has… and then I look at her nametag: her name is “Grace”. Hellooooo!! I can always choose grace in any situation… it’s my choice… grace and ease or conflict and struggle.

Clue #3: I’m gazing around the room and my eyes focus on a travel poster… I almost spit out my water when the only word that was visible was “Nice”. Of course, it was referring to a physical location rather than the state of being… however, the humor was not lost on me. Am I still viewing being “nice” as my ultimate destination? Expecting everyone to travel the road to Nice with me?? Nice is an illusion?

Then the image came to me of my inner child, my little girl being frightened and having a temper tantrum and it started to dawn on me that perhaps we all carry around “conflict” inside of us in one form or another and that when it manifests on the outside, it’s a call for us to check inward to see what’s really going on. Dang it! The message from the Universe was right on!! I had to take a look at my tendency to not allow my little one to express her fears during this time of great change in my life. It’s all positive change, yet to that child inside, it’s still frightening and she needed me to hear her… even if the sentences were disjointed, fragmented, illogical, blaming and non-conclusive to my ears … in my opinion… she still needed me to hear her fear and to hold her and love her through it. We all just want to be loved and comforted particularly when we’re in a place of fear. I’m not in a position to do this for the other person involved in the scenario… but I can continue to send her love and Light AND let my little one have a voice.

Change is constant. Change can also be very frightening to us on some levels. During this time of great change: and there are indeed, many changes taking place on the planet and within each one of us right now… remember to nurture, love and have compassion for those aspects inside that may be wanting to lash out at all the changes taking place. Change of any sort (even positive change) can invoke a feeling of powerlessness over not being able to control the way the change is taking place; neediness for something secure to hold on to; disappointment that the change that’s occurring doesn’t look how we thought it should look and sadness that we may have to “let go” of certain people, places or things as we change and evolve into the next level of our life: our Authentic Journey.

Particularly during this time of intense change and transformation please remember to take time out every day to nurture yourself.

1. Perhaps spend some time in nature: Take a walk outdoors: feel your connection to the earth… ground to the earth. With each step be aware of how your feet touch the earth… practice mindful walking.
2. Take deep cleansing breaths to create awareness in your body and to release the tension of the day.
a. Breathe in: “That was then”
b. Breathe out: “This is now”
c. Breathe in: “I am”
d. Breathe out: “Peace”
3. Remember to stay in the center of your head: that place of compassionate detachment, where you can observe from a place of neutrality all that is going on around you. Just observe on your movie screen and enjoy your “psychic popcorn”!
4. Come back to the Present. In the present moment you’ll discover peace, calm and balance. Fear cannot exist in the Present Moment.

Be good to you, dear ones! Be gentle with yourself! And remember: You are a Divine Being having a Human experience on this Planet!

In loving support,
Dee Dee